Parent Visiting Day

Whew, it feels good to write again. I have been so crazed lately I haven't been able to find the time.

Dad and his wife came in over the weekend. It was weird, and very aggravating, as always. We have, how can I put it diplomatically, an 'odd' relationship. Essentially my father does not know how to relate to people, and his wife is relatively the same way. Check this out. They fly down to DC to visit us on Sunday. We haven't seen them since, like, Thanksgiving. OK, so they fly down, check out the new American Indian museum (which nobody wants to go to but them), take us out to brunch (which is harried because of the time crunch caused by their flight home), do a quick pit stop at the Jefferson Memorial to check out the cherry blossoms (another short stop over because of the time crunch), and then go home. Is that weird, or is it just me? They don't come to my house. They don't spend the night. They don't even make it uptown. I feel like it's a 'lip service visit'. You know like, 'Oh yeah, we should really see the kid down in DC, let's do it and check it off our list' kind of visit.

And to make matters worse, they are terrible at talking. They never ask 'how are you?'. Or 'how's the job?' or the kids 'how's school?'. Not even the superficial small talk that even a stranger would make! Frankly, I really don't know what we talk about! Actually, I do. We talk about them. Because I know how to engage people in conversation! I ask them about them. How difficult is that?! Anyway, we just talk about them for the 5 hours, 39 minutes, and 43 seconds they are actually here, while zipping around DC making sure we don't miss their fight home.

This is really odd, right? I mean it's not just me and some deep seeded, subconscious hostility I feel towards my father rearing itself, right? I mean the anger and resentment I feel towards him is fairly out there, wouldn't you say?

Anyway, both my husband and I both feel very hurt by these visits, and the way they act. They act like there is no desire to come and see us. There is no interest in coming to see us. They just want to do it because it's the right thing to do and they have to. My husband gets even more upset then I do. It's probably because he's not used to it. He comes from an incredibly loving family who can sit around and talk with you all day, and are interested in you, and want to see you, and spend time with you, and make you feel loved.

I just don't know what to do about it. I've tried to talk to my Dad about it, but he's so clueless he just denies it, or blames it on me (calls me overly sensitive), and eventually it just goes in one ear and out the other. So, my choices are to either put up with it, or continue to steam about it and feel resentful and angry, to cut him out of my life, or to blow up his car while he's sitting in it. Not great choices, but I have decided to go with the first, because he is my father, and he is the grandfather of my children, and he does have some reasonable qualities that are worth experiencing. I also don't think he is maliciously saying to himself 'hey, I'm not going to talk to my daughter, and I'm only going to see her when I have to, and I want her to be mad at me'. He's a very bright man in some ways, but in this arena he as dumb as a jackass. So, I just deal with it, and don't get my expectations up too high. Kind of a pathetic solution but I don't know what else to do. The worst is I just feel parentless. My father is like this, and my mother is crazy and I have to take care of her. All, I have to say is thank God for my in-laws. Now that goes against all stereotypes, doesn't it!