Crazy Mom Fantasy

Man have I been stressed out this week! Too much shit to do! I have to get my tax info. together, which is always a pain in the ass. My practice is rockin' lately: I have been getting tons of referrals. My mother is driving me nuts because she is trying to plan a trip to Manchu Picchu, which is way up in the Peruvian Andes, and which has an elevation of something like 9,000 feet. I am refusing to let her do it (I am in charge of her life - I am her legal guardian) because she can't even walk a city block let alone scale a mountain: she is obese, completely out of shape, has diabetes, and has asthma (and is obviously crazy!). Oh, and this guardianship crap is causing me huge heartburn - the courts are complaining of noncompliance, and I have to go to court to deal with this. This is all on top of the usual stuff: homework, house work, work, play dates, illness, bills, you know.

I feel like I need a personal staff of about half a dozen people. You know, like the movie stars have? Yeah, a personal assistant, a driver, a bookkeeper, a chef, a hair and make-up guy, a few nannies, a tutor for homework help, and maybe an RN on call. I just wouldn't want them all milling around in my house. They would have to be located in another place, like the house next door, so they can run over here whenever I need them. That way no one would invade my personal space. Yeah! They can even sleep there, so they can be available round-the-clock. And check this; I could have a tunnel running from my house to the house next door where they reside. This way they can go back and forth and not have to confront inclement weather, or bump into any stray pedestrians passing by.

Wait a minute, I think they call these folks indentured servants right? Well, how about this as a solution - they can be robots! Yeah! You know, like the ones from Westworld or Futureworld or what ever that creepy movie was called where Yul Brynner was running around as a crazy cowboy robot killing everyone? They can be human-like robots so you never know they are robots, and that way they look like real people but they wouldn't need food, water, rest or pay! The tunnel would prevent them from rust, kidnapping or getting banged up on the treacherous 20 yard journey from the neighbor's house to mine. This would reduce the possibility of malfunction or any sort of crazy killer nanny-robot type situation. Wow, this just keeps on getting better and better.

Uh-oh, my son is asking for homework help. Gotta go. Damb it! Where are those crazy tutor-robots when you need them.